Posts Tagged ‘divorce court’
Devastation of Infidelity
June 23rd, 2009 | 
Author: Separation and divorce due to infidelity is one of the top reasons why people seek out a family lawyer. The other spouse cheated and it has wrecked the marriage. But it does more than just violate wedding vows. It can completely shake the bedrock of trust. The betrayed party will always wonder what it was that the other spouse was missing from their marriage. It can make an already difficult situation even worse. It is hard to get over and move past. Divorce attorneys see cheating as the number one reason why two people want to be rid of their marriage ties.
Infidelity comes in many forms. The most prevalent is the husband or wife having a sexual affair outside of their marriage. But emotional cheating can be just as damaging. When one spouse turns to another person for emotional comfort and caring, it can deeply wound the innocent party. It may have never progressed to actual physical intimacy but it still hurts just the same and is still grounds for divorce.
Divorce court is not a great place to have to air dirty laundry about infidelities. Most judges do not look favorably on a cheating spouse. In some states it is grounds enough to be granted alimony. There are very few cases of uncontested divorces where a partner has been cheating. Most are very bitter affairs that often require the services of a divorce mediation professional in order to come to a peaceful agreement.
If your partner has cheated on you but you are not quite ready to call it quits, then you can still find marriage help. It will take a lot of work to get the marriage back on track but it can happen. It requires counseling to uncover the reasons why one spouse strayed from the marriage bed. There will be a lot of hurt feelings that have to be overcome and it is entirely possible that you can never let the incident(s) go and that divorce will happen regardless of your efforts to save the marriage.
The devastation of infidelity is almost instantaneous. Thoughts of self worth begin to weigh heavily because you want to know what it is about yourself that drove your husband/wife into the arms of another person. Can the marriage be saved? Perhaps, but many times divorce attorneys become involved because the infidelities are just too great to overcome. Once a partner cheats and the trust has been violated, things are never the same way again.
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Divorce Court Demeanor Matters
Your actions in divorce court can have a tremendous outcome on your divorce settlement. Judges will look at all the evidence presented to them by both attorneys before deciding a case, but actions can speak louder than the written word. If you fail to conduct yourself in an orderly manner, you could loose some of the concessions regarding property division or custody and visitation rights for your children.
Before entering divorce court, it is vitally important that your lawyer and you work out as many details and issues as possible with your spouse’s lawyer. This is usually performed in what is called an early settlement panel, or divorce mediation. This panel takes place in a court house and is attended by your soon-to-be ex-spouse, you and both attorneys. Family law attorneys listen to both sides of the divorce settlement while both counselors go over property divisions, any marital debt that has accumulated and any other issues that comprise the marital settlement agreement. This process can be extremely helpful because it allows many of the issues to be settled between the couople before a judge even hears the case. In some instances, such as in divorce mediations, issues can be resolved and agreed upon without ever having to go to divorce court.
We have all seen cases on television or in the movies where couples are brought into divorce court, and in the end the “good spouse” wins. In reality, this is not so much the case. A judge has the free will to make his or her own decisions about a case, and that decision may not always be in favor of you. When proceeding with a divorce settlement, it is important to remember this fact because it will help you retain a cool demeanor in front of the judge if something is decided against you. The most difficult time to do this, of course, is when children are involved. What a judge decides regarding child custody and visitation rights will rest on the evidence your lawyer presents and the custody laws governing your state. But often a judge makes his or her decision about joint physical custody based on their personal instincts. So it is important to enter a courtroom with an open mind and a clear outlook on how things could turn out in the end.
Once you enter the divorce court and are seated in front of a judge, it is important to follow the lead of your attorney. There may be instances where you must speak to the judge about particular information. If this occurs, always address the judge as “your honor” and thank him or her for allowing you the opportunity to speak. If there is no need for you to articulate in court, then allow your lawyer to do the talking. Never make the mistake of addressing your spouse in court, especially in front of the judge, with a negative remark. This will only hurt your case, anger the judge, and possibly impair your settlement. Being as prepared as possible is necessary for your lawyer, but it is also important for you too. Take notes during the proceedings because your family law attorney may not have a chance to jot down information if he or she is speaking to the judge. Finally, never bring children to the courtroom with you. This is especially important to remember if there either spouse is seeking custody or if you both want joint physical custody of the child. Divorces are difficult enough for children, and making them witness a fight between their parents could bring unnecessary stress upon them.
Divorce court appearances can be short-lived or drawn out over months at a time. The best way to keep your proceeding relatively brief is by remaining mindful of your actions during the ordeal. Going in with the realization that a judge may not rule in your favor will help you maintain the dignity needed to make it through the settlement with a few bumps and minimal scars. Unlike many of the celebrity divorces shown on television, divorce proceedings for average couples can be done with speed, accuracy and little bickering. Remembering the proper etiquette while following your lawyers lead will help the overall experience.
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