Posts Tagged ‘separation’
Can Divorce Result in Healthier Children?
September 15th, 2009 | 
Author: So many married couples contemplating divorce stay together for the sake of the children. Splitting up is likely to have a negative impact on children, but many warring couples ignore the possible impact on the children that staying together might have. A more suitable solution would be an amicable split.
It is often said that that for a child to grow into a well adapted adult they need love and happiness while growing up. Although this is certainly a broad statement, there is some veracity in it. Coming home from school every day to parents that argue or can not stand being near one another, is not a healthy environment for a child.
Parents who think they can shelter their children from marital problems are fooling themselves. It cannot be done. A child experiences outer appearance of love well. What the parents say to one another is not nearly as important as their interactions. Kindness and thoughtfulness should not go to the wayside. How is a child to learn love if it is not present in the childhood home? Will a silent marriage be the norm for these growing children as they become adults? Would they believe working on the marriage is unnecessary?
The relationship between the parents gets worse rather than better if parents wanted to stay together for the sake of children, rather than for the sake of love. When they do finally decide to divorce then they are so far gone that there is no chance of an amicable split. This compounds the damage.
Property, assets, custody, child support, and what is best for the child are often common arguments in a messy divorce. Some will actively try to get the children to take sides.
An amicable separation is the best choice for parents who can’t or won’t resolve their differences and fall in love again. Supporting one another, working through disagreements, helping each other with the children, and supporting one another. Parents should be capable of talking to their children in mature and productive ways about each other and what the problems were with the parent’s relationship. In that way the children will be able to learn from their parent’s mistakes.
If divorce is a subject you’re interested in, you can read more about my practice as an experienced divorce lawyer in Austin. You can also get a free copy of our Austin Divorce Guide CD at TruslerLegal.com. There is an alternative to the traditional divorce process. Learn how a collaborative divorce lawyer in Austin TX can help you through family disputes with dignity.
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Divorce and its Effects on Families
Divorce has captured a lot of public attention in the current years, since the divorce rate has gone very high and families are starting to feel the bad effects of this event. This brief article will try to explain several facts about divorce in America, then summarize the problems it has on kids as well as the entire family.
Divorce is explained as legally dissolving marriage. In America, this term has become a common phrase discussed at home, in the office, as well as other places. While divorce is a term we mention casually we should take a look at the numbers that are declining over time.
According to a study from 2005, the national divorce rate is currently at its lowest in over thirty years. This low rate comes after a long period of high divorce rates and we are just now starting to understand some of the impacts that are pushed onto families that are in this situation. According to a report by Rutgers’ National Marriage Project, despite the falling divorce rate, only 63% of children grow up with both biological parents, one of the lowest percentage in the world. The is the end result of the significant divorce rate experienced in the last few decades.
Further discussing the effects of divorce on families, we will begin with the monetary burden on the family unit. Both parties after a divorce are beginning a new part of their life. The worst affected are women, 73% of whom reported a drop in standard of living as compared with 58% of men. The courts will divide marital property while personal property not related to the marriage should remain unaffected.
Children are often the most harmed in a divorce. General stability and bad attitudes, as well as self esteem problems and difficulty getting along with their parents. Being torn away from biological parents can cause children to have emotional strain, irreparable damage, difficulties in learning and interacting with peers in childhood, and can also result in difficulties starting and maintaining relationships as the child grows older. As well as this, research has shown that teenagers who have divorced parents have a greater chance of drinking alcohol, taking drugs and having a decreased socioeconomic status in general.
Continuing into adulthood, the detrimental effects of divorce continue. There have been research that show learning less and having trouble maintaining long term relationships with frequent delayed onset is caused by the negative anxiety of repeatedly failing relationships that can lead to a divorce.
With today’s divorce rate decreasing and increased education about the subject is available, we can only expect that divorce will become less of a problem for grownups and kids in this country. More factors are at play than can be discussed in such a paper, however the future is beginning to look up for divorces in the United States.
If you’d like more information, you can read more about my practice as an divorce lawyer in Austin TX. You can also watch the Free Austin Divorce Guide Audio CD at www.TruslerLegal.com. There is an alternative to the traditional divorce process. Learn how a Austin TX collaborative divorce attorney can guide you through family disputes with dignity.
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How Does Divorce Affect Your Child?
About ten percent of children in families today experience some sort of psychological problem warranting a therapist or psychologist. In children of divorced parents, the figure goes up to thirty or forty percent.
A divorce can have traumatic psychological effects on a kid. Unfortunately, a lot of parents fail to realize this. This is partially due to the fact that they may be experiencing anger and hurt themselves and are simply emotionally unable to empathize with their child’s feelings. But al too often it’s that the parents don’t realize just how deeply the divorce is impacting their kid.
One of the best bits of divorce advice for men is to find one of the many divorce education programs sprouting up all across the U.S. Currently the number of these programs stands at over a thousand. Some of the programs are available on line as well.
Generally these programs center on the following primary issues:
1) Eliminating or reducing parental conflict in front of the children - When a child sees the two primary adult caretakers in his or her life constantly fighting, it causes them to have feelings of anxiety or stress. But, just as importantly, you are also teaching your children how to act in relationships. Kids are like sponges, they absorb what they see, especially from their parents. By fighting in front of your children you are, in effect, telling them that this is the way to resolve problems. A divorce education program will show you a better way of handling conflicts.
2) Don’t use the kids as bargaining chips - Your kids are not pawns to be used in disagreements with your spouse to win arguments or to get your way. It’s easy to forget this, especially if you have self esteem issues yourself. Whether the issue is child support, parental custody, visiting privileges, or whatever - don’t treat your kids like chess pieces. Unless you wish them to grow up with huge emotional and psychological issues.
3) Don’t try to turn the child against a parent - Often, one of the parents will try to prevent the other parent from seeing or being with the kid. Most likely it’s a ill-conceived endeavor to “punish” the other parent. On the other hand, it may simply be mean spiritedness. Or it may be one parent afraid to give up control. Unless there is some underlying issue why one parent shouldn’t see the child, such as past child abuse, this does no good for the kid at all. To have the best chance of growing up well adjusted, kids need a sound relationship with both of their parents.
4) Remember always that the welfare of the child is paramount - We all know that going through a divorce is not easy. But it’s not all about the you, the parents. A divorce impacts everybody in the family - kids and parents both. If you just keep that fact in mind, the transition will be much easier for the kids. In addition, this will often help the parent’s relationship also. Keeping the welfare of your kids at the forefront of your mind, makes the whole divorce and after divorce more civil.
For those that are greatly concerned with their child’s welfare and would like to do all they can to protect them after the divorce, divorce education programs can do that and more. Think about joining one today, if you haven’t already.
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