Posts Tagged ‘sexual intimacy’
Why People Cheat.
December 18th, 2009 | 
Author: When an affair is discovered by an innocent spouse it is very common for that person to exclaim that it “came completely out of the blue”. This may or may not be the case however as there are usually signs that point to the fact that a partner may be cheating even though these signs may be quite subtle. Throughout life, opportunities for an affair often present themselves – in most cases these opportunities will be resisted. Affairs that do happen are normally as the result of problems in a relationship that are not being resolved.
There are many signs of cheating, some obvious, some not so.
Outlined below are six of the major reasons for a spouse turning to another person for sexual intimacy:
1. Protest
There are many people who consider that they are within their rights to have an affair particularly if there is no intimacy at home because they and their spouse are continually arguing over matters. These people will often seek understanding and peace in the arms of another person as compensation for the problems they are facing in their marriage.
2. Insecurity
There is often many reasons for this e.g.
- Many men feel shut out when their wife concentrates more on the children and gives little time and attention to him.
- Many women get so involved with their children’s lives and other matters that they neglect the intimate side of a spousal relationship.
- A man may spend excessive amounts of time on work or play to the detriment of their marital relationship. In this circumstance it is not uncommon for a wife to find love and companionship with another.
- As we age, sexual attractiveness wanes and as a consequence many people start to feel a sense of mortality and vulnerability.
3. Sex & Love
When one of the spouses has waning or no interest in a sexual relationship with their partner but the spouse’s sexual feelings are still intense an extramarital affair is often thought to be the answer to sexual satisfaction.
A person may still require the same sort of love that they first had at the beginning of their relationship. This is of course not realistic because the total sexual and emotional “in love” feeling that both partners had for each other is a transitory thing – many people don’t appreciate this and crave for what was in the early stages of their relationship. When that rush of sexually charged love goes, a person may think that something is wrong with their relationship and look for satisfaction elsewhere.
In many of these cases a straying husband/wife will convince themselves that they have only got involved in an illicit relationship because of what is sometimes called the “fun” that is lacking in their marriage.
Love and romance is the lifeblood of a successful marriage. This article provides tips on what you need to do to remain romantic lovers.
4. The One Night Stand
We often hear about “the one night stand” – this is more often than not an affair that has little relevance to the person that has indulged in it. Often such an affair is conducted in a state of intoxication or out of sexual curiosity. The impact on your partner, if they find out about it, can be devastating nevertheless.
5. Growing Apart
Couples interests alter and often go in different directions sometimes reaching a point where they can no longer give each other what they need.
6. Breakdown of a Relationship
When there are irreconcilable differences in a marital relationship it is not uncommon for partners to seek out [someone a person] who is more compatible to ensure that they have companionship when their marriage is dissolved.
Here are a couple of very common reasons why some people are “affair prone”, and persist in having extramarital affairs throughout a committed marriage, even though they generally have no intention of breaking it up:
Excitement
There are those people who are obsessed by their early feelings of love and intimacy with their partner and desperately want those feelings and involvement to continue unabated although they understand that this is an unrealistic expectation. A break up with their partner is generally not a consideration so they become involved in secret meetings with willing partners who provide them with the exciting love and intimacy that is now missing in their married relationship.
Fear of Intimacy
Some people have difficulty in coping with full intimacy in a married relationship. Many of these people, although they love their partner, simply want to distance themselves from the intimate side of marriage. A relationship with another person often achieves this end. At the same time such an arrangement ensures that they are not put in the position of full intimacy with either their spouse or lover. This compromise, strangely enough, tends to satisfy the requirement for a degree of detachment from their marital relationship.
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How To Survive Infidelity And Save Your Marriage.
Why do people indulge in affairs outside marriage?
The origins of an illicit affair whether sexual in character or mere infatuation with another person can more often than not be traced back to some unsatisfied emotional or physical requirement in a marriage. An extramarital affair is one of the 3 most serious issues affecting a marriage. It involves breaking the most sacred of trusts between a couple. As a consequence, most marriages are not capable of surviving infidelity.
These are the main reasons/excuses given by most people for being drawn into an extramarital affair:
1. Our communication problems are making our marriage intolerable.
2. I just gave way to temptation.
3. No intimacy (or very little) in my marriage.
4. My secretary was always coming on to me particularly after we’d had a drink or two together.
5. I have renewed my relationship with my ex.
6. Lack of intimacy at home because of repeated business trips away.
7. My spouse is suffering from bad health and is unable to engage in sexual intimacy.
It is quite likely that some of the above may be in the too hard basket. However if a couple really are determined to restore their once loving relationship and the innocent partner is prepared to make an effort to heal the hurt then surviving the infidelity will be made all that much easier. There are some matters though that need to be considered, namely:
- If the innocent spouse has had sexual intercourse with their marriage partner since the beginning of the affair, then it would be advisable to have a medical check to discover whether there are any health issues that require medical intervention. This is a matter that shouldn’t be taken lightly. It is important from the point of view of determining whether there has been any possible transmission of some form of sexual disease to an innocent partner.
- The question of trust also needs to be given careful consideration. Can I trust my partner again after what they have done to me and our family?
- Is it really possible for my spouse to break off the illicit relationship, or not to be tempted into another extramarital relationship again even if they have promised that they will definitely remain faithful from now on?
- Consideration needs to be given to engaging a third party to provide suitable counseling to ensure that there is really a determination on the part of both spouses to make the marriage survive and that solutions and ground rules are firmly in place. It can be quite testing for both the person who has been damaged by their partner’s extramarital affair, and the guilty partner, to sort out all the issues associated with this concerning matter on their own.
If you are the innocent party and are really interested in forgiving your partner, and giving your marriage another go, there may very well be light on the horizon if:
- Your partner voluntarily admitted the affair to you.
- They are open when quizzed about it.
- They have told you that they are extremely regretful for having strayed.
- They have agreed to break all connection with the other party.
- They have undertaken to be involved in counseling.
An extramarital affair doesn’t have to mean the finish of a marriage if you both really have the desire and the will to restore your relationship then marriage reconciliation is more than likely achievable.
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