Posts Tagged ‘stopping divorce’
Don’t Let Broken Trust Destroy Your Marriage – Try These 3 Simple Techniques.
December 16th, 2009 | 
Author: It is an regrettable fact that countless numbers of marriages today are on the point of collapse. Many of those involved in this unenviable position are quite anxious to repair their relationship. Amongst the top three reasons for marriage complications is lack of trust, either mutual or just on the part of one of the spouses in the relationship lacking trust in their partner.
The resulting end product of lack of trust in a marriage is a considerable amount of mutual stress.
Broken trust can result from simple things from not fulfilling responsibilities and promises to serious matters such as infidelity significant addictions, violence and dishonesty. Once trust has been destroyed it is not always a simple matter to re-establish it. You have to earn trust and the only way to do this is to make it evident to your partner, in practical ways, that you have changed your behavior–not just by word but by deed. In this way trust may be re-established but it could very well take a significant period of time.
An important point. Never refute that you have been guilty of betraying a trust when your spouse confronts you with the proof regarding your untrustworthiness. It is much more sensible to agree to mend your ways otherwise re-establishing your trustworthiness will just be so much harder.
The effects of broken trust can be serious and may even result in divorce.
The affected partner may very well suffer from bouts of depression if they are unable to gain any traction with a partner who wont or doesn’t want to change their behavior. In this circumstance it is highly likely that the children will also be affected by the deterioration in their parents relationship. Professional advice needs to be sought at this point to prevent the possibility of divorce.
The occasional bout of lack of trust affects most marriages. For instance when a partner puts off a job or forgets to carry out an important obligation. These may not be serious in character but over a period of time may build up a picture of untrustworthiness. The following points may be useful to bear in mind:
- The first move to restoring trust is to admit responsibility for whatever it was that caused the lack of trust in the relationship in the first place.
- The next move is to make a definite decision to change the behavior that resulted in the broken trust.
- Lastly, commit to making the change.
The vast majority of marriages are worth saving. Issues of trust can usually be sorted out if both parties are willing to recognize that the process may be a long one. This is especially so if there have been major indiscretions on the part of one of the spouses that led to the breach of trust. However, if love has still survived regardless, then you should give serious thought to allowing your marriage every prospect of success and happiness.
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How To Survive Infidelity And Save Your Marriage.
Why do people indulge in affairs outside marriage?
The origins of an illicit affair whether sexual in character or mere infatuation with another person can more often than not be traced back to some unsatisfied emotional or physical requirement in a marriage. An extramarital affair is one of the 3 most serious issues affecting a marriage. It involves breaking the most sacred of trusts between a couple. As a consequence, most marriages are not capable of surviving infidelity.
These are the main reasons/excuses given by most people for being drawn into an extramarital affair:
1. Our communication problems are making our marriage intolerable.
2. I just gave way to temptation.
3. No intimacy (or very little) in my marriage.
4. My secretary was always coming on to me particularly after we’d had a drink or two together.
5. I have renewed my relationship with my ex.
6. Lack of intimacy at home because of repeated business trips away.
7. My spouse is suffering from bad health and is unable to engage in sexual intimacy.
It is quite likely that some of the above may be in the too hard basket. However if a couple really are determined to restore their once loving relationship and the innocent partner is prepared to make an effort to heal the hurt then surviving the infidelity will be made all that much easier. There are some matters though that need to be considered, namely:
- If the innocent spouse has had sexual intercourse with their marriage partner since the beginning of the affair, then it would be advisable to have a medical check to discover whether there are any health issues that require medical intervention. This is a matter that shouldn’t be taken lightly. It is important from the point of view of determining whether there has been any possible transmission of some form of sexual disease to an innocent partner.
- The question of trust also needs to be given careful consideration. Can I trust my partner again after what they have done to me and our family?
- Is it really possible for my spouse to break off the illicit relationship, or not to be tempted into another extramarital relationship again even if they have promised that they will definitely remain faithful from now on?
- Consideration needs to be given to engaging a third party to provide suitable counseling to ensure that there is really a determination on the part of both spouses to make the marriage survive and that solutions and ground rules are firmly in place. It can be quite testing for both the person who has been damaged by their partner’s extramarital affair, and the guilty partner, to sort out all the issues associated with this concerning matter on their own.
If you are the innocent party and are really interested in forgiving your partner, and giving your marriage another go, there may very well be light on the horizon if:
- Your partner voluntarily admitted the affair to you.
- They are open when quizzed about it.
- They have told you that they are extremely regretful for having strayed.
- They have agreed to break all connection with the other party.
- They have undertaken to be involved in counseling.
An extramarital affair doesn’t have to mean the finish of a marriage if you both really have the desire and the will to restore your relationship then marriage reconciliation is more than likely achievable.
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